I've always been a finisher, I know that about myself. I think I get it from my dad.
When I was little as I watched Dad build a 30ft sailing boat in our backyard. Every night he'd come home at 6, eat dinner, change into his fibreglass encrusted work jeans and disappear to work on the boat. Our weekends would be taken up entirely with boat building activities. Every weekend. For five years. It was a lesson in persistence and in fortitude. My Dad showed me how to break down a big task into smaller milestones and how, at the end of the day you had to stand back and admire everything you achieved. **
When we launched that boat I'm sure there were many who thought it would sink, but it didn't and I spent many happy holidays floating with my mum and my dad in NSW waters. Eventually it would take them on a circumnavigation of Australia.
Since then, finishing has often been my friend. I've seen big projects in my home, work and sporting life come to fruition as I've attacked them with the same persistence and fortitude I'd seen in my father.
But there's a downside to being a finisher too. Sometimes I can be so focussed on an accomplishment that I choose to hang on to projects, even though they no longer serve me. I don't want to let people down, and you definitely don't want people to think I'm any kind of a failure.
Which is why the decision to pull out of the fitchick challenge has been both a disappointment and an enormous breakthrough. In the end, a week and a half was not enough time to prepare, no matter how much work I put in, and putting myself through more would only have broken my body.
I am proud that I tried though, and I have learned so much about myself and my capacities during the training. On top of the skills I've learned I know now that even if I think I can't, I usually can, and this will help me to break through all kinds of mental barriers in my training in the future.
I can't help feeling I've let you all down, but I'm trying my hardest not to care.
** My dad's favourite phrase at the time was "You must admit, it's starting to look like a boat now." And gradually, layer by layer, it did.