It's 2am and the air is holding onto water like a sponge. It's going to rain tomorrow.
At 2am everyone is still sleeping, but I'm awake. Not even the animals stir when I toss and turn, throw the covers off an pull them back up to my chin. 2am is when the doubts and fears come, like water cascading over a dam, they pour down over me. I am drenched. I should never have signed up.
I consider yesterday's effort. My first box jumps, deadlifts, pull ups. I know that everyone else will have been training for this event for months or years. I will embarrass myself. I seek shelter from my own thoughts. I must think of something else. Doubts and fears wear a track into my brain like a river cutting through sandstone. What a stupid idea. Drowning, I reach for my life raft. I will email them in the morning to let them know I'm pulling out.
The panic subsides, the tide changes, I drift back to sleep.Overnight the fresh rain clears the air. I rise, put on my training gear and head to my second cross fit session. I can do this. I am, after all, a very strong swimmer.
Oh Adrienne ... why is it that everything seems so much harder and scarier in the dark of the night when everything is quiet and still ... shouldn't it be peaceful and tranquil, a great time to think positive and feel excited. Don't let those midnight monsters tell you lies! You can do it. You wouldn't have been chosen if you couldn't. No matter where you finish just remember that you are in the top 30 women who signed up, and I bet there was plenty, not to mention those who wanted to sign up but let the midnight monsters scare them off. Stay strong :)
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